Phat Girlz: The Story of my Life

I know I’m totally behind the times but I’ve only just watched the film Phat Girlz and it is the story of my life.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0490196/

Everyone who reads this blog knows that I am overweight. My husband is a handsome, muscular, slender, business owner. He is gorgeous in every way possible. And he’s with me. In fact he married me at my heaviest weight. He loves me. But I have a constant battle with him at accepting his love and accepting myself.

To all those nasty people who think fat people who are ‘happy’ are in denial:

Do you really think that fat people should be unhappy for the rest of their lives?

When do you think would be a good time for a fat person to actually start to live and have fun? After they are thin? Do you realise what a paradox this is?

Fat acceptance is a necessary part of losing weight. No one can successfully lose weight feeling miserable all the time. That doesn’t mean that we aren’t working hard to be healthy. At my heaviest weight I was running 3 miles a day and at weekends 6 miles. If a thin person saw me right after my 6 mile run on top of a low calorie diet and told me I was in denial, because I was too ‘cheerful’ and ‘proud’ how do you think that would make me feel?

Is there any point in saying ‘I am dieting’, ‘I have run 6 miles today’??

Some overweight women are happy, so what. It’s not a crime to be happy. If someone had cancer and they were cheerful, would you go around saying they were in denial? Or would you think they were being very brave and optimist about the future, facing their problems head on?

Being positive helps me exercise and follow my diet. If I was negative about myself then I would go back to the way I was before – which is eating and sitting down.

I still spend much of my time indoors. Yea. I don’t yet feel comfortable being ‘out’. I don’t feel comfortable in my own skin, I don’t feel comfortable in the clothes that I wear. If I did I’d probably be out running every day, since I had to get rid of my treadmill for space reasons I haven’t been able to run. And I do miss it.

I used to wait until the early hours of the morning to do my run, so it was still dark and no one saw me. The problem with that is that I missed my runs if it was too cold or I got up late. Being ashamed stops me from doing the things I would really like to do. Which is why I love this film. It has everything about me. It’s my story. Each day I become more active, each day I get a little braver and each day I feel a little better and even look a little better.

I don’t think that fat people should be ashamed of the way they look, I do think that they should feel happy, and denial has nothing to do with day-to-day feelings. We have to survive each day, all of us do.

Live and let live, as they say…

Leptin, low-carb and hunger | The Blog of Michael R. Eades, M.D.

This is 3 years old now but a very interesting read none-the-less. Leptin, low-carb and hunger | The Blog of Michael R. Eades, M.D.

I’ve been on a stall for what seems like a lifetime – although its only actually been 4 weeks. The scale seems to be edging downwards now, however every time I say that I go back up the next day!

It’s at this point in time that my effort seems completely futile but with further analysis my view is entirely blinkered.

Why am I looking at the scale as my only form of success? Perhaps because it is electronic and has numbers I see everyday? Perhaps because it is a machine and has no invested interest in telling me lies. Perhaps after all these years of unsuccessful dieting, I rely on a mechanical scale because I no longer trust my own judgement.

Since I’m trying to respect myself, live with myself and even love myself I think it's about time I trusted my own judgement. I do look slimmer in the mirror. I’m sure I do. So why isn’t that enough?

My tape measure says I’ve lost inches. But why isn’t that enough – could it be because my own fingers have done the measuring and I could be cheating by breathing in, pulling too tightly? Am I simply being too hard on myself?

It’s as if I treat myself as some kind of criminal. Someone who has constantly eaten the wrong foods, been ‘naughty’, lied, sneaked foods, starved and binged, chewed and spat, avoided exercise and had every excuse to be lazy.

But it isn’t really my fault. I have been misled into believing that low fat/ high carb diets were healthy. I know now that  my body has reacted badly to this way of life. There was no need to punish myself, only to change my Way Of Life.

I have changed my WOL. Each day is another day I feel better, stronger and healthier.

Isn’t it about time I forgave myself?

Next Week: My Life with Milife update.

 

Can you Have your Cake and Eat it Too?

Well no of course you can’t. I’m not sure why I entitled my post this way but I was trying to explain in a nutshell the different ways we can enhance our enjoyment of food. Plus I was pressed for time and my hubby wanted the ‘puter quick!

Firstly I wanted to update you on my progress. So far I have lost 9lbs. I am now on some sort of stall – I believe its due to my increase in water intake. I think in the New Atkins book it says that water weight can vary around 4lbs daily! This means that if you lose 2lbs of fat a week it could be quite difficult to see this on the scale. So after learning this fact, and buying ketosis sticks I’ve decided not to sweat the scale stuff too much. As long as I’m in Ketosis, exercising and eating well I’m on the right track!

Back to my topic of the week:

How to make eating more enjoyable! I’ve been dieting since I was 12 and I lived through the height of the low fat/low calorie craze. It’s been ingrained into me that fat is bad and taste is bad. When I am ‘dieting’ I believe I should be hungry, that my food should taste like crap and I really shouldn’t be enjoying anything. If I did, I’d feel guilty. After eating low carb the Atkins way, researching countless success stories it’s pretty obvious that we should enjoy our food – food is nothing to be scared of. It can be something to celebrate everyday without danger of becoming a crutch. So often I have been on a diet and food becomes a crutch after I drop off the diet. I’ve been without good food for so long that nice food is a relief! That feeling of relief gets mixed up with the carb high and becomes an addiction/crutch.

Four things to contemplate when enhancing enjoyment of food (without guilt!)

1.) Environment
2.) Presentation
3.) Satiety
4.) Variety

Have you ever thought about the environment in which you eat? Eating is a complete experience from our sight, taste, smell, touch and even hearing. Adding to these senses can enhance the eating experience. For instance, I take cod liver oil each day but I cannot stand the taste. When I hold my nose I can’t taste the oil. Smell is a powerful sense and completely effects our sense of taste! Here’s the weird part. My hubby and I were sitting to dinner – he had the usual high carb curry and I had some burgers with salad. He got a phone call in the middle and he left his curry there, sitting next to me. The smell of it was delicious. It was so tempting. But I carried on eating my burgers – only they tasted different, they tasted fragrant and I was puzzled. I soon realized the scent of the curry was effecting my sense of taste. It was making my meal more enjoyable in the strangest way. The constant smell of food cooking in restaurants must make meals much more enjoyable without our direct knowledge. Music can also increase our enjoyment, especially relaxing music – or music which reflects the food being eaten. Eating becomes enjoyable and relaxing, and if you are eating healthy low carb foods you are creating an emotional imprint which creates good memories from the tastes and smells at the time. Many childhood memories I have, involved chocolate in some way – so whenever I feel good or bad it triggers a memory involving chocolate so I get chocolate cravings. This can be overcome by creating new good memories which link to healthier foods just by eating healthier foods in enjoyable situations. This might mean you have to be strict during a celebration but it shouldn’t mean you have to miss out on the enjoyment.

What about presentation? Don’t you just love opening a heart shaped box? I know I do. But is it the chocolate that makes me happy? Or is it the fact that someone is showing me love with something pretty and appealing? Sometimes you just want to feel special. If you pay attention to the presentation of your food, you can always feel special or make other people feel special just by the way you present meals. Adding that little extra touch can make eating healthy more fulfilling, appealing and enjoyable.

Satiety is really important when eating. How can you feel you’ve had a good meal if you’re hungry an hour later? Many experts are starting to believe that fat is important for satiety and I couldn’t agree more, since after being on Atkins I have felt hunger disappear for the first time in years. But I wanted to mention another food component that I believe is really important for satiety and no it isn’t fibre.
It’s water. I have found since I started Atkins and began to eat a lot more low carb vegetables that the ones that have a high water content keep me satisfied a lot longer. I also enjoy juicy vegetables and then I think about the dry bread I used to eat yuk! A glass of water after a meal has an added benefit.

Last of all but probably the most important is variety. That doesn’t mean we can’t eat the same things day in day out. It’s ok to lack variety, we aren’t all expert chefs. But it is important to know when variety is needed. I was really scared when I first started Atkins. I was scared of going over my 20g gram level. This stopped me from experimenting and I got bored with my food choices. So I’ve committed to eating lots of different vegetables and having fun with food – and if I go over my carb count because of an unfamiliar food? So be it, all I can do is prepare – so I estimate, but I don’t let it control. But my main priority is for my food to be fun! I have to enjoy the journey else the journey will end!

 

I’m not sure what I’ll be posting about next week. So it will have to be a surprise. OoooOOoooh!